The Catholic Church has decided to follow in the Mormon Church’s footsteps and the new “Prop 8” on the 2014 ballot aims to ban the use of communion by non-Catholics.
The original “Prop 8” has been in the news lately because it was recently defeated in the Supreme Court of the United States, which called the ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. Immediately the conservative Christian Right-wing was up in arms, about their right to bear those arms also, about how this ruling would damage the sacred institution of marriage in this country. Comparisons by top congressional leaders to evil and worse were not uncommon.
The Catholic Defense League immediately jumped in and called this focus on gay marriage a distraction from the real desecration; that of the Holy Eucharist by these so-called “Protestants.”
Under Catholic Doctrine, the sacred consecration of the Holy Eucharist is more than just a re-enactment of the Last Supper, but an actual transfiguration of bread into nothing less than the Creator of the Universe, The Lord God Himself.
“When Jesus said this is my body and this is my body, eat and drink it, for without it you will die, well we take that seriously. That is why you find the entire Mass focused around the Holy Eucharist which is God Himself; a male of course” noted the Bishop.
At the Last Supper, Jesus anointed the first Bishops of the Catholic Church, which were the Apostles. Peter would become the first Pope even though later that night Jesus said his cock would be raising a fuss after being denied by Pontiff Peter three times.
After this point the new bishops were able to create new priests, and after laying their hands upon them, the power of turning bread into God would be transferred. Each priest today has an unbroken line of succession that goes back to one of the original Apostles, and thus to Jesus Himself.
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Then came the Protestant Reformation.
A new group of zealous religious citizens with no loyalty to Rome would decide to violate this sacred ritual and started doing it themselves. Every time one of these so-called Christians partakes in a Communion ceremony with bread and wine they are lessening what it is that we do.
“First they let non-Catholic men do this, and recently they started allowing non-Catholic women and gay men to perform this ritual. What’s next? Letting animals take communion?” The Bishop continued “I hear they have already allowed some uncircumcised Africans lay their hands upon they Holy Buns, and some have started using grape soda instead of wine to represent the bleeding of the Christ.”
“Hands off our hot cross buns” is one of the sayings the Community for Holy Communion has on their banners. “Do it the Rite way, the Vatican Rite way” and “Leave our unleavened bread alone” are some others.
When asked how someone eating bread and wine in another building affects them, the Bishop yelled back, “It lessens the institution of our man-made beliefs. If they can do this without being smitten from on high, or at least choking on the bread, then it calls into question how we defined the Holy Eucharist to begin with. This ritual is only allowed between Catholic men wearing dresses who are sworn to obey me as their earthly master.”
He concluded “Vote Yes on Prop 8 to show that what the Apostles Ate was not a Prop.”
Asked to respond to recent allegation that the Bishop helped cover up a sexual abuse scandal by one of his priests, the Bishop said that according to God, there is no way that any one of his priests, after holding the Holy Eucharist in his hands, which is God Himself, could ever violate a child. “Sorry, but I’ll have to be a doubting Thomas on this one. Unless I see it with my own eyes, I will not believe in any of these myths about what priests are doing. Without evidence, how can I believe it?”